Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize