I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
