But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
