The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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