i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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