it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize