this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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