Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
