i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
