you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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