with your own penis?
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
