dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
