i think my tv is drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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