Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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