I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
