Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
