you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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