By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
