you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
