my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
