i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
