Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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