you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
