I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
