I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
