i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
