he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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