Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
