Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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