i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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