My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
