I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
