yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize