I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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