Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
