Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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