Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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