My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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