you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
