I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you never un-have a 4some
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
