3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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