that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
