Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
