Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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