We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
