plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
