she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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