I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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