david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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