I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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