You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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