is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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