Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
