It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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