just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
