mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
