she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
