Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
