Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
