she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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