I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
