I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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