I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
