I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My vagina is officially offended.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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