Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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