I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
