Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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