remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
