I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
